Dear Disney Channel,
Exactly where the hell have The Wiggles gone to? They weren't on yesterday or today, and as I frightfully looked on my TV menu for the next two weeks I see that they aren't on any day soon either. Exactly what are you trying to do to me here? You are a channel for little kids and you don't effing understand that when a child loves a show as my daughter loves those four stupid men, that they expect to see the show everyday and even know what freaking time it comes on? Did you think that all the children around the world would suddenly forget that The Wiggles? Nothing is worse then telling your child "OK it's time to watch The Wiggles and give mama a break for 27 minutes out of the entire day", and your kid is jumping up and down on the couch yelling, "yay! Wake up Jeff!" over and over, and you turn on the TV and it's completely Wiggle-less. How exactly do you explain that to a two year old? Can you tell me Disney Channel? Please? I mean your company is literally bigger then Jesus, you control the universe, and you can't get 4 men in multi-colored t-shirts to appear on time? Maybe the rumors were right that Walt Disney was a Satanist.
I'd honestly like to know what the meaning of all this is. Did they need a break? It's not like you don't play re-runs of every other show 24/7. Seriously, I need answers and I need them fast. I can only perform "Captain's Magic Buttons" so many times in my living room. I've got things to do! Thanks.
Yours in misery,