Everyone that knows me knows my love for the Misfits. As hard as it is to narrow down one band and call it your favorite, I can proudly say that they are my favorite. My first tattoo was a green fiend skull, and I absolutely love Glenn Danzig no matter how many videos on youtube there are of him getting knocked out with one punch.
So I find it really really amusing and adorable that my two year old daughter loves The Misfits like she does. Some might think that I of course pushed and forced the kid to love them just because I do, but that is so far from the truth. I mean this kid is into Elmo, Mickey Mouse, and Barbies so it's not like I'm bombarding her with horror punk 24/7. One day I was watching a Misfits video on youtube and she came and sat beside me and asked, "What's that mama?". I told her "It's The Misfits, but it's scary so go play with Daddy". But she wouldn't budge. I thought the skeleton dude would freak her out but she loved him, and when it was over she screamed "again!". She made me play that damn video 20 times that night. So I showed her a couple different ones so I wouldn't get completely sick of that one song, and she dug those even more. Then things started to click and she started recognizing the Misfits stuff I had around the apartment. Like my posters, pictures, and clothes. And she was like "wow!".
So now here I have a toddler who knows the lyrics to American Psycho, and Dig up Her Bones. I know people in my family are probably having a conniption fit about me letting her watch them, but I honestly don't care. I think it's great that she is exposed to different things at an early age. Life doesn't always have to only be about "The Wiggles" and "Little People" all the time. She genuinely loves music so much, so how can I deprive her of it?
I just think it's awesome that she is a little fiend!
Mommy.....I love the Misfits...
Mickey Rourke.....I love you
I know there has been tons of hype around this man as of late, because of The Wrestler. And it's well deserved because both he and the film are incredible. But I have been rooting for this guy ever since I discovered who he was. I remember I was watching Sin City and my husband was like "I think that's Mickey Rourke playing Marv". So I'm like, "who's Mickey Rourke?", and my ever eloquent film-loving husband says, "He's the dude that fucked the hell out of Denise from the Cosby Show, in a pool of pig's blood, in this movie I saw once". Oh! That Mickey Rourke.
I soon after saw him in the movie Domino, and fell in love with his "fuck you all" attitude. And then once I saw 9 1/2 weeks it was over for me. I would let him dominate me and throw money on me as I crawl on hands and needs in his luxury Manhattan apartment any day.
And yes, just like the rest of the world I find what has happened to his face to be unfortunate. I understand that some people do not age well, but to add plastic surgery on top of it doesn't make it any better. So whenever someone criticizes him for looking like Joan Rivers I have to stop them short and say, "hey fucker, he was once one hot piece of ass in his day!"
I would still give him a whirl, even now. He just seems like the type of guy that would take you on a night out on the town, get you really tossed and coked out, maybe slap you around a bit, and then wake up the next morning in a room full of hookers without him anywhere in sight. Yum!
Real Housewives of New York City
I didn't think anything could beat the cattiness of those Orange County bitches, but these New York chicks are fucking fierce. Apparently in Orange County you don't actually have to have a braincell in your head or an ounce of class as long as you have two implants and an Amex card. But it is some tough work to be able to hang with those Upper West Side cougars that is for sure. These bitches are educated, well traveled, scurry from one social circle to the next, and will not hesitate to talk shit about you right to your face! It's awesome!
Now lets talk about the characters of this season and last. I think the Bethany chick and the Jill chick are fucking hilarious. I love how Bethany isn't "having it" when it comes to anyone or anything, but yet she still has a vulnerable side to her. She is a strong, single independent woman who has made a name for her self in a man's world (as a chef) and I think she is fabulous. Jill is the typical Jewish American Princess. Also a no-nonsense kind of chick that I wouldn't want to piss off. She has a typical overweight Jewish American Princess daughter who she has sent to Paris to get some class and learn a new language, and yet she still isn't smart enough to not wear heels while touring Versailles.
Then we come to Alex and Simon. Where to start? There are already tons of blogs out there about how much these two pretentious fools fail at life, so I won't linger here too long. Now everyone knows my hatred for people who brag about their children and these people take the fucking cake. Not two seconds can go by without having to proclaim some amazing feat that these two children can perform, and yet there is nothing spectacular about that as far as I can see. I have never even heard the little Francois bastard say one word in french. And naming your other son Johan after naming the first one Francois is just plain child abuse. Plus, the chick's head looks like Frankenstein and she needs to invest some of her pretend money in a new jaw realignment.
Ramona simply has Adult ADHD and needs some Aderal as soon as possible please. She has Hershey squirt mouth which is like diarrhea of the mouth but more sporadic.
Now we come to Luanne. Oh Luanne Luanne Luanne. Such a beautiful fabulous woman but good god get over yourself! The scene where she corrects her friend by demanding that she be introduced to the limo driver as Mrs. Delassicunt (or whatever her name is) just made me want to puke as much as she did back when she was a model. Then in season two she does it again! She gets royally pissed off when someone again introduces her by her first name only. What the fuck is the problem here?? She is supposedly writing a book on etiquette and manners and yet she gets a F minus in social compassion and equality of the human race.
Toddlers and Tiaras
Now I have always loved those documentaries Discovery channel used to do on the crazy ass pageant moms and their "soon to be needing constant approval as an adult and will probably sleep with many men" daughters. And now there is an actual series on it every week. As much as I feel sorry for those little girls, and feel that they are being objectified and exploited, I cannot help but watch the fabulous drama of these mothers!
And can we talk about Pageant Dad please? Thanks. Ummmm ok, does anyone else notice that he is a homosexual or is it just me? His quote alone of "I can't change a tire but I can sew on rhinestones" is enough evidence for me. I don't really understand what kind of arrangement is going on in that marriage but something is definitely amiss in that household. Maybe the wife just thinks it's cheaper to keep up her husband's facade then it is to hire a pageant coach and make-up artist? Either way, she will be coming home to hubby and the daughter's dance coach making sweet love soon enough.
Reading about Dissociative identity disorder
I, like many people, have a habit of researching things that I am interested in. If I come across something that sparks my interest and I would like to know more about it, I of course, try to educate myself as best that I can. Just like everyone else I had a set idea in my mind about Dissociative identity disorder (or as it used to be called, Multiple Personality Disorder). I've read "Sybil", and have seen 'The Three Faces of Eve". Sybil really showed prime examples of the exact type of abuse that can cause DID to occur. But after reading stories from real people who have this condition and who have endured horrific trauma as children, I am starting to understand exactly why DID happens.
When children experience these types of abuses there innocent little minds do not, and can not, comprehend or endure them. So they separate from themselves to escape and create an alternate personality to replace them who can endure the trauma. That is just my simple way to define it, although it so much more complex then that. After reading some of the stories from people with DID it makes complete sense how this disorder creates itself in order to deal with what happened to them.
These survivors who have shared their stories and allowed me to hear them are some of the bravest souls I will probably ever encounter in my life. To keep going back to that "place" requires more strength then I think I could ever muster. No child should experience these kinds of things, and I will never for the life of me understand how a human being could perform these atrocious acts on a child. If ever I thought my childhood was hard I have been so so completely wrong. I am really really blessed and thankful that I've never had an adult treat me as if I was not alive like that, and that I haven't had to 'separate" because what I was enduring was so bad that my little soul would just shut down.
More and more I am seeing things that make me realize that all my complaints about life are such bullshit. I should thank "god" or whoever every single second for what I haven't had to experience and for what I have. My parents weren't perfect but I at least experienced love and nurturing. Right now I want to hold Olivia just a little bit tighter and closer and be so thankful that she gets hugged, kissed, and told she is loved 40 thousand times a day.
Those survivors are truly amazing people with such expressive and beautiful minds. And I wish that I could just wipe out all the bad people in this world. If I had one wish that is what it would be to do.
Other kid's parents bug me...
I don't know why this is, but since having my own child it seems that most other parents bug the shit out of me. I've basically avoided all interactions with other parents (except those who are close to me) because of the simple fact that I can't stand them. It all started with one of my first encounters:
It always seems like there is this pissing contest between every parent besides me and I'd like to see the rule sheet for it. So there I was taking my kid to the park for the first time on my own to push her in the swing for the first time (she was about a year old). This was supposed to be an innocent time to create a lovely memory with my child, but instead I end up coming in direct contact with a "one upper" mom as I like to call them. I'm swinging my darling child, while making no attempt to catch the eye of anyone or let alone talk to anyone else around me, when this One Upper decides to speak to me. It starts out with the usual, "How old is she?" and after that she never asked another question about me or my kid for the entire duration of the conversation. She proceeded to tell me her whole labor and delivery story within the first 5 minutes of our chat while her tool of a Husband played with his cellphone and interjected only to brag about random things that he owned that didn't really pertain to the conversation at hand (yes he was one of those).
Now this chick had to be maybe only a year or two older then me and only had one child as well, but apparently that child being 3 months older then mine meant that this One Upper had a wealth more of knowledge then I had and was a complete expert at parenting. As I tried to get a few sentences in with things my daughter was or was not doing at her stage of development, she would always come back with something about how her daughter "already could do that, did it at an earlier age, or could do it better". Apparently her kid was sensational because she could turn on her husband's stereo system on her own. This is where he interjects with, "And I have a very huge, very expensive, and very loud system *chuckle chuckle". Then when I comment on how it's sunny outside and I wish that my kid would wear sunglasses at this age, she answers me with, "oh my daughter loves to wear sunglasses. In fact she never wants to take them off. Isn't that right Sally?" Then she proceeded to basically shove said pair of sunglasses onto the poor kid's face while the little girl slapped them out of her mother's hands over and over yelling, "no! don't want them!".
Next, I made the mistake of mentioning how my kid (who is and was at the time in fact very much developing ahead of her age...not that they would have known since they wouldn't listen if I had mentioned it anyway) was still not walking at the age of one. One Upper then answers, "oh my kid was walking at the age of......well....7 months....isn't that right honey?", she asks her husband. "oh it was more like....yeah 7 months" he responds.
"Wow...most kids aren't even crawling by then!" I say. "oh yeah...she completely skipped crawling all together", she tells me........ Of course she did.
So after listening to these two shrews brag about their extremely gifted child, who by the way the entire time is basically staring at the sun and eating dirt, I pulled out my big guns........breastfeeding. I prided myself on the fact that I exclusively breastfed my kid for a long ass time. I seldom bring it up but I knew a woman like her most likely didn't feed her kid the tit, or didn't try at all. So I mention in a subtle way that I can't get my kid off the boob, and then I ask the "One Upper" if she breastfed her brilliant child. She answers me by saying, "Oh I did for a while but I completely dried up!". Oh lord! I was just waiting for the excuse and she gave me a prime one. Because it's fucking impossible to dry up unless you stopped all together! Of course she quickly changed the subject back to her long and grueling delivery and how her husband yelled at every person in the hospital, demanding this or that because they deserved the best blah blah blah. And of course since I had a C-section and she didn't her labor was much more harder, and much more important and fu-filling then mine could ever be.
God I wanted out of this conversation, and my poor child just sat there staring at this women in silence. Part of me almost gave into the whole pissing contest between parents. I started thinking in my head, "if only this bitch could see what my baby could do...man I wish Olivia wasn't being so quiet right now. They must think she's slow or something". Then and there I knew it was time to go. But before we departed her husband had to throw in a few extra brags about how he'd seen the stroller I had at Wal-mart and was so glad he bought such an expensive one for his daughter...but he barely has room for it with all the toys and clothes she has.....Nice meeting you too.
Two days later I saw them coming out of the apartment a few doors down from me. Apparently they lived in the ghetto too. Apparently they were on low income housing section 8. No wonder he had so much to brag about...
WelFARE is not FARE
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not completely against welfare. (Especially because if it wasn't for food stamps my ass would have starved when I was pregnant and fresh out of rehab) But today I received a sad little tid-bit of information that Paul and I didn't appreciate very much at all.
So we go in to pay our rent (late rent mind you cause we are poor...but not poor enough to be on welfare), and as we are waiting for our receipt a lovely young lady in house shoes, half braided corn rows, and a mickey mouse t-shit comes strolling in screaming about how our manager charges her too much money for rent. "That shit is fucked up yo!", she screams at our sweet old manager. He then responds with "But you only pay 85 dollars a month ma'am".....
"Ummm...... what?" Paul and I almost fell to the floor. Then Paul kicked me for saying out loud, "Lady are you fucking kidding me?".
She then proceeded to scream and complain all the way out the door, which she slammed behind her. I was speechless after that. Especially when our manager tells us that this happens at least once a day and that Paul and I are only one of three people in the entire complex who actually pay over 700 dollars to live here. That didn't make me feel any better either.
Basically because Paul chooses to have a job we don't get welfare which would help our struggle. And because Paul chooses to have a job with great benefits we get the honor of paying every body else's rent and food while they sit on their stairs all day "kicking it" and blast their stereo system at 3 in the morning waking my baby up.
After I had Olivia and we were really struggling because I wanted to stay at home to raise my own child while exclusively nursing her so she wouldn't get sick every 2 months and so she could also be incredibly smart (and she is so fuck you), and I applied for food stamps (not a fucking welfare check or section 8, just some goddamn food stamps, I was DENIED because Paul made 35 dollars over the limit.....35 DOLLARS OVER THE LIMIT! And this isn't counting car insurance, electricity, clothes for Olivia (not us), gas, school loans, medical bills, etc. ....All because my husband has a job..
So now I told Paul "Fuck it! Let's milk the government too! Why not? We can sit on our ass's as they grow into the shape of our couches, let Olivia be raised by the neighborhood kids as we make 4 more babies (more hand-outs for us!) while the family downstairs, which consists of a Husband and Wife who work jobs that don't pay shit for salary, pay enough taxes to take care of all of us!!
Got to be better then this struggle right?
Proposition H8te
So tomorrow is the big nationwide protest against Prop 8. I'm going to try my hardest to go, but seeing as it wouldn't be too safe to bring Olivia with me, I'm not too sure I'm going to be able to. If I had someone to watch her that early there would be no question about it. But I feel so bad that I cannot attend a protest for something that I feel so strongly about. I always say that "you have no right to complain if you aren't willing to get up and do something about it".
But all this still makes me think about how this protest wouldn't even be taking place tomorrow if it weren't for the passing of this ridiculous prop. To this day it doesn't make sense to me why some people are so incredibly afraid of letting people be who they are. I just want to shake them and say "what do you care who someone loves?". They don't understand because their right to marry the person they love has never been taken away from them so they have no idea how that could feel. I'm not saying I can understand that pain myself either, because when I wanted to marry Paul I was able to just get up and do it with no questions asked. But even at that time I would think to myself, "what if I couldn't do this just because I was gay?" What if I was in the same situation I am in now but living with a woman for 7 years? (needing insurance but not being able to get it simply cause I was born a type of person whom some people do not want to accept.
I get that there are people who are against gay marriage because their bible taught them so. I totally understand that because they were probably taught these ridiculous things since birth and don't know any different. But what about the people who don't follow or believe that bible? Why should they be subjected to the same rules and laws of a religion they are not apart of? Even my very Mormon sister has come to realize the ridiculous role churches have played in the whole situation, and after having several very long talks with her has come to realize it isn't a choice at all.
It baffles me that one can believe that being gay is a choice in the first place. All you have to do is meet and befriend....scratch that, just talk to..... someone who is gay to understand that it is the farthest thing from a choice, and there are millions of people's stories to back this up. There are gay people who have been ridiculed their entire lives, and had violent acts made upon them because of who they are. Do you think that they honestly would have choose to have that happen? There are gay people who are attempting to live a lie as a straight person because their faith or their families wouldn't accept the way they were born, and everyday they are forced to live a tortured and miserable life simply because they cannot be who they really are. But then there are gay people who are completely happy and content with their lives, wouldn't want it any other way, and could never live any other way if they tried. There is absolutely NO DIFFERENCE between gay people and straight people other then who each group chooses to love. No difference at all.
There was a time when white people thought black people weren't even people at all, and didn't understand that the only difference between them was the color of their skin. I honestly believe that is where America is at today when it comes to gay people. It enrages me that ANYONE can take away someone's right to marry the person they love. Just as a straight person wouldn't want to be forced to marry someone of the same sex, why should gay people be expected to change and only have the right to marry someone of the opposite?
I honestly think that this country has come way too far to take such as step back as this one. Gay marriage isn't going to hurt anyone. All that bullshit propaganda that has been flying around about all the consequences that will follow if gay marriage is legal was only created to scare the ignorant into doing and believing what is desired by "The Right". And that is to discriminate against fellow human beings.
If this doesn't change then I will honestly lose hope in this country more then I already have.
Sorry I ramble when I'm enraged....
My New Hero
My new hero and role model Beth Ditto. Yes this is her and she is fucking fabulous!! She could eat the face off that flyleaf chick in 2.3 seconds......
To Wean or Not to Wean....
So after doing a lot of research, reading, and talking to a lactationist, I've come to the conclusion that I am no longer in a hurry to completely wean Olivia. Turns out the benefits of nursing a toddler are HUGE! And not only beneficial to her but beneficial to me (less chance of getting almost every cancer there is). There is literally a laundry list put out by the World health Organization as to why nursing past one is the best thing for your kid, and I've already seen so many positive outcomes in Olivia (she is NEVER sick and is smarter then the average 19 mth old).
Yes, it's a pain in the ass sometimes, and I have insecurities about what people think and say if they see or know I'm still nursing. But I figure .....when the fuck have I ever cared what people thought before? Why should I start now?
So since this is the most un-selfish thing I've ever done in my whole life I've decided I might as well stick to it. Her health is more important then my comfort.
A good article on extended breastfeeding for any future mothers wanting info..
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=245618677&blogID=349412814
Thank God for Books...
So in a world that seems to be falling apart, and where people are drawing themselves further and further away from each other from the help of technology, it's good to know that one universal love that most people have for books still exists. I swear if the future ever becomes a place where all the fundamentalist end up burning all the books or censoring them, it would be a world I would quickly remove myself from by any means possible. And I mean VERY quickly. Because I honestly couldn't live without books. They are my escape and my connection to the minds of some very brilliant people. If I could only write half as well as my favorite writers I would be truly happy..
But anyway, this year I have read several wonderful books. Of course I've always loved reading, but after Olivia was born it kind of took a backseat, but now that she is older I am trying to consume as much literature as I possibly can. So I'm trying to set a goal this year (a small one) to read at least 40 of the classics (and some newer ones if they strike my fancy) by the end of the year. I'm sure I can exceed that but it's just a minimum I've set. Plus there are like a million more books I want to list but I'll just start with this for now. Now when I was in college I read a ton of the classics (mostly the Greek stuff) but because of what I've done to my brain over the years I've forgotten most of the details and want to re-read all of them. So I've made of list of the books I plan to read along with my own personal favorite books that I believe everyone should read before they expire to the big library in the sky..
Goal Books (to read and re-read):
1. The Divine Comedies by Dante Alighieri
2. Agamemnon, The Libation-Bearers, The Furies & Prometheus Bound of Aeschylus
Oedipus the King & Antigone of Sophocles
Hippolytus & The Bacchæ of Euripides
The Frogs of Aristophanes
3. Æneid, by Vergil
4. Don Quixote, Part 1, by Cervantes
5. Stories from the Thousand and One Nights
6. The Odyssey by Homer
7. Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio
8. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte
9. A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
10. In Cold Blood by Truman Copete
11. The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
12. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
13. The Communist Manifesto by Carl Marx
14. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
15. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
16. On the Road by Jack Kerouac
17. Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
18. To Kill a Mockinbird by Harper Lee
19. American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
20. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas
21. The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins
22. The Sun Also Rises by Earnest Hemmingway
23. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
24. Walden by Henry David Thoreau
25. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
26. The Picture of Dorain Grey by Oscar Wilde
27. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
28. The Glass Bead Game by Herman Hesse
29. The Call of the Wild by Jack London
30.Take it or Leave it by Raymond Federman
31.
32. Under the Volcano by Malcom Lowery
33. The Color Purple by Alice Walker
34.Crash by J. G Ballard
35. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
36. Native Son by Richard Wright
37. Memoirs of A Geisha by Arthur Golden
38. Go Ask Alice by Annonymous
39. Kite Runner by Khaled Hossein
40. Lady Chatterly's Lover by D.H. Lawrence
My Personal "must-reads" that I love:
1. The Dark Tower #1-7 by Stephen King
2. Night by Elie Weisel
3. The Awakening by Kate Chopin
4. The Bell Jar by Silvia Plath
5. Poems by Dorathy Parker
6. The Days Run Away Like Wild Horses Over the Hills by Charles Buckowski
7. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
8. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
9. A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf
10. Naked Lunch by William Burrows
11. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson
12. The Haindmaid's Tale by Margerate Attwood
13. Beasts by Joyce Carol Oats
14. The Story of O by Pauline Reage (for mature audiences only....very mature)
15. Justine by the Marquise De Sade (again for very mature audiences)
16. Metamorphasis by Franz Kafka
17. 1984 by George Orwell
18. Poems by Edger Allen Poe
19. Short stories by Raymon Carver
20. Dracula by Bram Stoker
21. Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns
22. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
23. The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum (most effed up book i've ever read in my life)
24. The Danish Girl by David Ebershoff
25. Disco Bloodbath by James St. James
26. The Art of Racing in the Rain my Garth Stein
27. Les Miserable by Victor Hugo
28. The Golden Compass Trilogy by Phillipe Pullman
29. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Sallanger
30. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
31. The Witch and Vampire Books by Anne Rice
Now I know there are SO MANY more but right now I cannot think of them! *frustrating*
Well I hope I meet my goal. I really can't wait to read them all. I'm the type of person who gets super super excited when I'm about to start a new book. Seriously, when Paul comes home with new books from the library for me, nothing can make me happier!
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